now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
