She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
