So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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