the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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