Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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