guys are not supposed to queef...right?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
