I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
from now on my penis is your penis
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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