He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
