At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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