how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
