# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Someone signed my nipple.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
