Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
