You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
