oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
