when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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