i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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