first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
