Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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