My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
