actually, I'm a sock model
420 ftw
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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