Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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