My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
