Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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