hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
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I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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