we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
