Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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