12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
