It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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