Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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