Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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