i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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