just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
