Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
