handjob tips. give me some.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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