So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
