i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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