Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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