nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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