I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
my poor anus
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
