I could make wine with my vomit
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
