I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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