Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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