the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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