drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Less talking, more tequila
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
