pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
