he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
