I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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