She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
