i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
