her facebook's as public as her vagina
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
