maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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