its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
