I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
