Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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