ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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