whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
