Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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