Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
