Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
