im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
