It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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