those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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