i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
