day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
