You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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