I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
