Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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