i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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