I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
a search helicopter?!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
